some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
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