Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
