Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
