Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i dont even know how to be here
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
