Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
