my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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