I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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