yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
