Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
