I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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