if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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