My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
