I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
