You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Still dying that you shit outside
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
