i jhust puked up my retainher.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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