so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
