and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
