Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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