ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
