I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize