so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
