I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
