I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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