Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
