He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
