hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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