I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
