I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
