I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
