just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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