well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
