you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
