I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
We need to rekindle our bromance
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
