we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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