yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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