the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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