I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
