I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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