dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
