I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
