I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Randomize
