apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Randomize
