Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
