then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
then he tried to convert me to islam
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize