I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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