we're chasing vodka with high fives
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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