i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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