Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
