I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
