i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
