Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
