im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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