I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
