her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
