Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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