you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
false alarm, still single
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize