My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
