I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
