a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I can feel your judgement through the phone
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
