also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
