I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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