Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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