My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
