I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
